From a couple weeks ago...

**I started another blog for writing things, and then figured, why separate them?  This is my blog, I'll do what I want with it, so there will be more writing here, probably less sewing centric posts and more things about everything. Enjoy!**

A while ago I asked my kids what love means.  What they think it means to be loved, to love someone else, and to show love.  I was brainstorming something and was looking for some fresh eyes in expressing ideas.

They whispered adorably for a few minutes, and then my oldest said one of those wisely clear things I was hoping for.

"Love is when the place you are in is the place you should be."

Isn't that perfect? I wrote it down immediately.

The day before I asked this was a little touch and go.  There are some days that I find so incredibly full of love, yet so incredibly frustrating!!  Each instruction I give, each reminder for caution, each prompt to be clean is obviously given drenched in motherly love, rooted in my concern for their well being! Obviously, these little cherubs of mine know this deep down in their guts, just as I did when I was their age, but obviously still do things with ignorance, and rudeness, and attitude. Of course they do! They're kids.

I'm constantly wondering how much concern is enough and how much is too much.  How many reminders are too many and what is reasonable and responsible.  How much sass should I tolerate and shrug off and what kind of lessons should I be teaching them?  It's a constant back and forth struggle in my head, as I'm sure it is for all parents.  It can be difficult to take comfort in that, especially when if feels like I'm getting all the levels wrong, everyone is reacting badly, like I've miscalculated the formula by just one number and it ruins the entire equation.

I've noticed how resourceful these kids of mine have gotten, and how much like me they are.  I vividly remember clambering all over the kitchen counters, snooping for my mom's chocolate stash, and then I found a kid spoon stuck in the Nutella jar of our present day cabinets. 

It's exciting and equally terrifying watching them grow up, get stronger, expand their world and their decisions, and become their own people.

I'm also trying to intentionally cultivate my creativity and started with all those feelings swirling around after this rough day we'd gone through.  I drew a bunch of birds gathered in a heart, with a few flying away and wrote "sometimes you have to let your heart fly," which still feels incredibly immature and middle school, but anyway, that's what I wrote and that's what I drew.

I have a hard time expressing my own feelings, they always seem so syrupy, naive, and unproductive that I usually try to ignore them so being creative has always worked to help make sense of things, or at least acknowledge them enough to move forward.   As long as our mothering instincts come from a place of love and reasonable logic, then the next generation should turn out alright.

Monday Happy List Volume 2

Happy Monday, it's a brand new week!!

I always see these types of posts on Friday or Saturday and have always thought that the Monday could use the smiles more as the weekend holds a secret glittery joy on it's own, doesn't it?  Mondays are usually the rough dragging days for me, where I could use a list of happiness, could you?

Here's what I've been enjoying this past week:

*Last week was rather heavy.  There was a lot going on in the world that was really intense for a lot of people and I found myself looking inward a lot, and thinking, probably too much, about those things.  This week's list turned out reflecting that mindset a little.  

 1) This truth: I am in charge of what I bring into my home - we confronted this head on this weekend and went through all the toys, clothes, closets, art, and everything else and purged ruthlessly.  Half broken ugly toys were tossed, tons of things were donated, and the rest was organized.  I'm still not quite done putting things back together but I feel so much lighter and Ben and I made a promise that we will be more conscientious about what we bring into our spaces.  I'm in charge of what I bring into my home, my body, my mind, my friendships, etc.  So I should bring in things that fit my goals in each area. Quite empowering I think.  I was reading too much news and it was getting me down, so I......wait for it.....stopped reading so much news!   See?  Boom.  Empowered.

2) The key to parenting strong willed children - don't take it personally.  Abby and I had a hard morning, and I had a realization.  She has to go through whatever she has to go through, has to let it out, but it's not about me.  I'm just the one taking up the air space in which she's thrown out what she's working through.  I also found some inner peace in the idea that I just have to let her (and this applies for each of my kids, and all kids really) be her.  This is the happy medium between being a strict crazy person policeman parent and a no rules everything goes parent.  Making sure they have enough structure and rules to keep them safe, healthy, and happy, and then backing off to let them bounce around to their hearts content. 

3) This little imp turned 1 last week!  She is so much fun and so sweet.  I love this age, it's the best to watch them discover things and see how their personalities bloom! 

4) Leaving the window open when I go to sleep - because when I wake up I can see the sky change as the sun rises, and it's a little breath of peace when I haven't gotten enough sleep, or get woken up earlier than I'd prefer.

5) #sewandread on Instagram - I've recently been turned onto this hashtag, and I love it!  It's so great to get book recommendations from people who's opinions you trust, and who have similar hobbies.  Sewing while listening to audiobooks is my new favorite thing and this hashtag is like a little Instagram book club, without the stress.  It's a wonderfully perfect combination for me.  Right now I'm listening to Gourmet Rhapsody by Muriel Barbery and it's really fun!  I love this author's writing, and it sounds so good being read.  Absolutely recommend it. 

Do you have anything to recommend to me?  I'm always interested in favorite things!

Hope you all have an awesome week ahead! 

what the heck wednesday...?

I was getting ready to write y'all a post this morning and WHAM.  An unexpected emergency. 

My husband took the kids to the park this morning and Matthew fell off one of the swings and hurt his arm.  There's no blood and no bones sticking out (that is what I told the nurse on the phone a moment ago) but it looks swollen and dislocated.

So, Ben dropped Abby off with me and rushed off to the Dr.'s to see what's the matter.

I'm being updated by text message as I type and now they're going to get an x-ray as it could be a break and need pins (I want to throw up).

This is the first serious injury we've had in our parenting career of 3 ish years and I feel totally sick.  I talked to our little guy on the phone and he was hurting so bad and being so brave...I wanted to cry and hold him and make my arm broken instead. 

If this is how I feel about a broken arm (or whatever it turns out to be), how am I going to handle all the other stuff that comes along with raising children that will also rip my heart out?! 

Now, I know he will be OK.  It will be fixed and he will eventually not be hurting anymore.  It will pass. 

But, I was not prepared for such intense emotions to come from this, mom-wise, you know?   


...deep breath...


How do you other mom's handle this?!  I feel like a total rookie again...